Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. You can probably recite them... nearly everyone can. For more than fifty years, classrooms have taught the five stages of grief, hospitals and counseling offices have discussed them, and the internet has shared them. They have become one of the best-known ideas about grief… resting quietly in the back of nearly every helper’s mind.
In 2017, three established bereavement researchers gathered fifty years of evidence and asked the hard question: Do bereaved people really go through these stages? Their answer matters for anyone who teaches, coaches, or stands beside a hurting person… because what we expect grief to look like shapes how we treat the people going through it.
This exploration walks through the whole review in plain language:
Where the five stages came from… and who they were first written about.
The objections that began almost as soon as the model did… and how Kübler-Ross herself responded to them.
Five problems, sorted and explained: what the stages leave unexplained, what they muddle together, and what the evidence never showed.
What long-term studies found instead… including the surprising share of bereaved people who remain steady from the start.
The famous 2007 study that claimed to confirm the stages… and the challenge that followed.
Why an unsupported model refuses to die: the deeply human appeal of a map.
The researchers’ practical guidance and advice… what helpers and professionals should do instead of watching for stages.
We show how well The Heartside Project aligns with the researchers’ conclusions and advice… and where we extrapolate beyond them. By the end, you’ll know the whole story of the five stages of grief… where they came from, why they stuck, and why we teach actions instead.
The full exploration is below, print-safe and ready for your reading chair.
After our launch period, the Research… Explored section will move to the paid tier. But for now, it’s open to all subscribers. (Feel free to refer others to this page as a resource… but please do not share the PDFs themselves.)
→ The Research: Cautioning Health-Care Professionals: Bereaved Persons Are Misguided Through the Stages of Grief (PDF)
→ The Research Explored: The Trouble With Stages (PDF) :
Have you been taught the five stages of grief? Do they fit with what you’ve seen in the lives of you and your friends? Do you think our understanding of the stages changes how we should show up for grieving friends?
Please leave a comment or shoot me a message... I read them all!
Let’s raise a generation that knows how to show up for hurting friends...
Jepper